HERE IS MY JOURNEY
Hello, my name is Lloyd and here is my story:
Being bullied was one of the most difficult periods of my life. The problem when you are being bullied for most of your school life your expectations of how you are meant to be treated are not very high in my subjective experience. Retrospect is a great tool to have and, in my experience, gets more refined with age.
Being bullied was a hugely lonely and isolating experience. I was at a disadvantage as I did not really grow up in an environment which equipped for social situations as a child.
Growing up I was always alone at school and at home, other than being with my parents. I was very embarrassed about being bullied and was doing my upmost to conceal this from everyone including parents, people at school and teachers alike. I felt like I was being perceived as the werdo or the loner at school. I would find any excuse to dodge the reason why I was not socialising with anyone and became very good at giving excuses.
I felt like a complete outcast and I felt like I was not worth anything. My self-esteem was through the floor and this was also amplified by the fact I was deemed to be stupid due to the fact I was and I am dyslexic.
I was also made fun out of my socially awkward tendencies, pitch of voice and appearance. I was overweight at times and I had a noticeable double chin.
I would do anything just to have some form of social interaction. Therefore, there were times I fully indulged the victim card and give the bullies ammunition to take just to get some much-needed attention. Most of the times due to my limited interactions I felt like a caged animal and I just wanted to have some friends who were like minded just to do usual teenage things like have a couple of beers when aged 14.
There were times I was made an example of a humiliated in front of everyone. The really sad thing is that teachers and so-called school mates gave me nothing resourceful just turned blind eyes and offered no words of advice. Some teachers even joined in to a degree.
To make things worse the school I went to was a very expensive private school.
I just so desperately wanted to have friends and I wanted to fit in to a degree. I just wanted to be treated normally and I didn’t want to feel like a complete weird. My time at school left me with a lot of scares which throughout adult life I had to rectify.
This summary of my experience, if there is anyone else going through the same I hope there is something to take from this. My advice would be to always be mindful of your behaviour to be honest with yourself to see your contribution and also remember that the way you are being treated is more of a reflection of the bullies not the victim.